Me, Myself and I ...

This one is dedicated to all the single, strong, independent women out there.

I’ve been a bit off the radar since last year with my blog posts as some of you may have read or even seen on social media that I had to have a unexpected operation and was put on bed rest and faced a scary health situation which is now all behind me,  but the healing still continues.

I had a lot of time to think about my life as I was forced into slow gear and complete bed rest for nearly 2 weeks,  I couldn’t busy myself up like we often do.  It wasn’t very fun at time and lots of sleepless nights.

Although I had time to write new blog posts at this time I simply had lost all my creativity … I’m not surprised as I was having a operation on my reproductive system which emotionally represents feminine energy and creativity.

One thing that I really struggled with was being alone through this challenging time and it made me crave companionship and a long term partner … I dived into these emotions to try and figure out what was going on with me, as generally I am very content and fulfilled at being single and I’m actually very good at it … I can cultivate enough self love and self care majority of the time and feel happy on my own.

However … at this particular crossroad and difficult part of my life journey, I simply just wanted someone to lean on, someone to cuddle me when I was in unbearable pain, someone to nurture me when I couldn’t move from my bed, someone to care for me and simply just feel loved. To have a male energy around me!

I went to a really dark place, the “victim mode” I like to call it … I hadn’t been to this dark single lonely place for about 3 years before my last partner.  I really was hard on  myself, questioning everything and not just why I am single.

Why me ?

Why can’t I find a man?

Why can’t I keep a man?

What am I doing wrong?

Is it because I am to strong?

Who are my real friends?

Who can I go to for support?

I allowed myself to embrace these negative emotions and sit with them, we are all so quick to try and suppress unpleasant emotions but I’ve learnt they only come back to bite us … The harder you try and ignore these feelings, the more intense they will be the next time they surface.

I worked through these dark feelings and did some work around it , I did some journaling, I did some painting to express myself, I had a session with one of my Coaches (my ‘love coach’ I call her) I did some positive affirmations and read books and watched interviews with women who were once in my position.

I was committed to lifting this dark cloud naturally (I wasn’t going to go back on antidepressants)  and moving through this space, and I did …  It’s something I can come out the other end much quicker, in the past I would of sat in this space for weeks, even  months. Now I use all of my experience, support networks  and knowledge to make these shifts quicker.

Now … the best part of working through a big challenge like this in life and facing fear is the reflection you feel after … the lessons you learn , the  massive “aha” moments you get, the clarity you receive and most of all the gratitude you feel that you are on the right path.

Some of my take home reflections from this transition:

Even if you are a strong independent woman it doesn’t mean you can’t admit to wanting a loving  committed relationship in your life at times, and feeling like there is a hole missing sometimes.

Being single should never ever define who you are.

How amazing will your relationship with your soul partner feel and look after filling yourself up with all the love you need and getting through hard times on your own, the strength is takes makes you stronger.

How amazing the support you have from your family and friends, the people who are meant to be in your life will really show up when you need them too.

Everything is a stepping stone and part of your journey to meeting that soul mate, that person that you just know is meant for you.

Be clear on what you want in life and it will start showing up in different ways directing you towards the ultimate goal.

Embrace tough challenges as hard as it can be,  as there is a lesson to be learnt that will move you closer that dream life.

I get told all the time (everyone can have a opinion) there is no such thing as a soul mate or a perfect relationship, I don’t believe any relationship is perfect and requires work.

But I do believe and will not stop believing in a soul mate and that there is a special kind of relationship out there that makes you feel so content and calm,  it requires not settling for average and being patient … and that is exactly my path … call me living in the fairies! I call it getting to know myself first and the rest with follow.

Mwah xxx


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