I was on a coaching call this week with my purpose coach and a few other beautiful souls and I was sharing my hesitation to start my Blogs and I said very clearly “I don’t know even know where to start as I have so much I have to share” I said this while feeling nausea’s this was a fear of mine, however at 6am one morning it all just came to me and I started.
I guess some would say I have had a very interesting and definitely colourful life full of amazing adventures and a journey that I learn from every day. But I guess everyone has that one thing they “struggle” with in life and mine has always been RELATIONSHIPS.
It wasn’t until my last relationship breakdown that was one of the most pivotal ones ever in my life did it actually make sense to me after nearly 20 years of banging my head against a wall you could say. I really had hit rock bottom to start to re-build myself back up better than ever.
My last boyfriend was a full blown Narcissist and had some very serious addictions as well as being a control freak; you will probably notice I share a lot about Narcissism on my social media platform as I am very passionate about getting the message out there to other women who fall into that trap. However more about that another time … it wasn’t until after my last breakup while lying in bed with depression, did I have an epiphany and I realized ~ hang on a minute ~ all my 4 serious boyfriends in my life have had some kind of addiction, narcissism (some much worse than others), deceased fathers and very strong sisters they are close to. Same pattern here, same story just a different male. Does this sound familiar to you?
So I pondered to myself … I have attracted these wounded men into my life because that’s what I think I deserve, that’s the vibration I am putting out there and I obviously have no self-worth or love for myself. So then the journey began for me to really start looking at myself;
- Why am I doing this?
- Why do I have no self-worth?
- Why do I need validation from these men?
- Why do I attract the same men who have never treated me right?
I will share with you along the way my journey from that point to where I am now, and what I have done and still continue to do to navigate myself back to this happy point in my life. This, of course, is still a work in progress. I will share with you my realisations, my fears, my patterns and become vulnerable and open my heart up to you.
Until then if it is one thing you can do today, sit back and look at your life and if you think you have been repeating the same patterns over and over again.
Much love.
KO is OK XXXX