A few days ago I was talking to a new friend that I have recently met since I moved to Melbourne, she is also single and a similar age to me, and we were chatting over a glass of wine (as we ladies like to do) and something she said really stuck in my head … The conversation was about someone wanting to set her up with a really great guy and she turned to me and said “There is hope right there”

So I pondered about this for a few days … thinking about lots of different things.

Hope is what we need to keep us moving forward.

Hope is what keeps us singe ladies putting ourselves back out there time and time again.

If we don’t have hope, where does that leave us?

Hope is what allows us to open our hearts again.

Hope is exciting and scary at the same time.

But it also made me reflect on something else, and that was how can distinguish between just giving up hope for a short amount of time or simply  that you may be suffering from a short term situational  depression or anxiety disorder.

The reason my mind wanders back to this is because I was never one to suffer from any sort of depression in my life, I would also bounce back quite quickly after a break up and get back on my feet and keep moving forward.. Time and time again I would be ok and the HOPE would come back every time.

But not this time, like I said before it was different.

Over the years I have had many friends and close people in my life suffer from depression and I always thought “Why can’t they pick themselves up” but I now understand it isn’t as easy as that.

I have had anxiety over the years but nothing that was debilitating or needed any medication and I managed it with mindfulness.

So how did I know that my HOPE hadn’t just gone for short period of time and it was something more serious?

Well after going on a girl’s trip to Bali (my fave place ever) 5 months after my break up,  the darkness was still there and even getting worse. That was a big red sign right there?

So after arriving home and 3 visits to the doctor and lots of hesitation I finally decided to try some low dosage medication for my clinical depression, as my GP explained that is what I had.  In all honestly it also really helped having finally found a great female doctor who really became like my counsellor and my biggest supporter.

Did I get side effects? Yes

Was it worth it? Yes

Did I put on weight? Yes

Was it worth it? Yes

Did I still feel emotions?   Yes

Was the dark cloud starting to lift? Yes

In reflection it was the best thing I actually did and why suffer in silence, depression is such a common condition amongst everyday life now and don’t ever feel embarrassed to seek help or go on medication, even if it is just for a short period of time.

I’m finally ready to start weaning myself off my medication after nearly 12 months, it’s a slow process and one I won’t be taking lightly and doing it properly.

If you ever feel like the HOPE just isn’t coming back and that dark cloud never lifts,  you are not alone and talk to your GP or your support network. Depression doesn’t always have to be heredity and it can be situational.

Why suffer for years and years and years …

Because HOPE is what keeps us moving forward …


KO is OK